My thesis is about the uncontrollability of life. Throughout the years after I began to recognize the world seriously, I have been moving to many places. As a nostalgic person, I know how moving feels like, and it obviously does not feel good at all. The impression of moving and traveling for me is the last landscape of city I see from the window on the plane, and then, no matter what I have experienced in that city, everything fades away as the plane goes up to the air. This impression is so strong and depressing that it makes me scared to encounter the new world that is waiting ahead of me. I thought that I should keep staying in one place for a long time so that I would not feel the unsecurity and sadness that moving brings to me. But over time I find that I can’t control myself from getting to the airport and heading to investigate a new destination, and also I find that the constant moving I have makes me who I am. I looked back to all those places I had been to and imagined myself as the younger me that have not left home, and I realized that I will once again choose to leave home and travel although I had already know how rough it is. I am always told that I am the one that chooses what kind of life I will have and I am the one that can decide my own life, but I think it is life that chooses me. As an individual with the unique characteristics, I am chosen by the life and experience that fit me flawlessly. I am not able to change my life as I can’t change who I am.
For me, the uncontrollability is not the pessimistic way to think about life. I believe that every moment I have gone through and every obstacle I have broken through are not meaningless, they tell me which way I should go with my fate and shape me better to fit with the life I have for my whole life.
I try to present my work with the most nonjudgmental view, because I know that there is no way to alter those moments I had. I respect the past me by using the almost relentless way to show my experience, since I will choose the same again as I did and be altered the same way by life to the present me.